Friday, July 25, 2008

Short Story - Highway No. 57


Get out! She yelled. Looking daggers at her, he left, slamming the door behind him.

Noooooooooooo, she bolted upright, jactitating. Blackouts usually followed her crying fits, but not nightmares. Shafts of fading sunlight pierced the eerie shadows of the room. Getting up to turn on the light, she hoped he was alright. She could not help worrying as she cooked, tidied the house, took a warm shower and sat down for a lonely supper. The radio was playing their song. She was about to turn it off when an announcement came on, A young motorcyclist was killed and a motorist seriously injured in a head-on collision at about 8pm on Highway No 57. The police have not yet identified the deceased, whose body has been taken to the General Hospital for autopsy.

The fork clanged on the floor, springing her into action. His phone sang Everything I Do on the refrigerator in response to her call. She hoped he was at Dan’s, his childhood friend and best man. But he had not heard from Rob over the weekend. Frantically, she called whoever she could think of, only to get the same response. Putting on a jacket, she grabbed the car keys and stepped into the chilly Sunday night, not noticing the silhouette on the dimly lit porch settee. She was about to get into the car when two strong arms seized her from behind, turning her around on the spot. Her eyes widened in shock, and then in relieved surprise.

Note : This was my entry for the Running Wind Short Fiction Contest held recently. The story had to be composed in not more than 250 words, using the picture above for inspiration. No, I did not get a prize. I really learnt a lot about improving my writing skills though :)

110 Footnotes:

SambY said...

i reallw thought he was dead... That this would be a sad story.

Ne said...

my eyes open sooooo big not wanting to skim all the way down!!

It was a nice post! I think that is why I hate fussing, never know what time you have with someone!

Ne.

Arv said...

I have to say WOW...

Forget the contest girl, I enjoyed it.

sometimes, people fight big for something silly and sometimes, things do go beyond the line of return.

At times, even when 2 people care so much, when they fight, they do let their ego's to take over.

A good lesson here from your story for all of them.

Have a nice day mate... Cheers...

Javits said...

Aw man! That's okay. We love your work Sameera! I think the best thing a writer could win, is to reach out and make your reader actually hear your soul, your thought process. And I think you do that splendidly. :)

mayz said...

i like d way u have ended it...d words used

**Her eyes widened in shock, and then in relieved surprise.

not addin anythin else...jus finishin it thr like a good short story

Keshi said...

Short and simple story that struck a cord in me. In one single moment, our state of mind can change from happiness to sadness and vice versa.

Very well written!

And its ok that u didnt win a prize..cos u won a bigger n better prize..as u said u LEARNT alot abt improving writing skills from writing this. And no one else can give u THAT prize but urself :)

*HUGS* keep up the good work!


Keshi.

rahul said...

nice story..I felt the opening was abruptly ended.
You could have left an open ending by not saying she was relieved.

Lakshmi said...

great imagination..Loved the piece..so real..I used to really like writing stories out of pictures..used to be part of my school days..wonder where the imagination is now disappeared

Lena said...

i wont comment on the story, you know i loved it :) :)
And i am sure you will implement all the knowledge about improving the writing in your amazing stories!
You are the best, girl!
Love you :)

SOLITARY PRINCESS said...

Dont give up writing dear. ur blessed with a beautiful mind and u knw how to express the ramblings of ur mind beautifully.
just stumblled upon ur blog and found it amazing.
ur blog tells how beautiful person u are from within.
keep writing !!!

RiverSoul said...

Nice!
A very good read.
I want more!
:)

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Powerful story, Sameera.

That's the great thing about entering Jason's and others' writing competitions, you get to see your own writing against those of other writers, you see what works and what doesn't and just by participating your own writing improves! Like they say, "read, read, read, write, write, write"! :-)

Divkiran said...

Wowyyyyy....gr8 attempt Sam (hope u don mind me callin u tht, hv a habit of nick namin ppl)

I liked the way it’s been built up and the ending is really sweet especially the following line

***Her eyes widened in shock, and then in relieved surprise

Wish u had a few more words to write for the contest and ended it with the woman sobbing in relief, nicely tugged in the warmth of his embrace….me is too dreamy…lol

Cinderella. said...

Girl need I say how I felt about this ?!

You already know it dont you !!

Jus keep up the good work. Hope to see your stories in a nice pretty pink n black book !

Muuaah !

Priya Joyce said...

I liked the story.
abt prize never mind.
if u learned something frm the experience then the loss of prize doesn't matter at all. As in the long run wat u learn frm experiences is wat matters.

Noushy Syah said...

Flamboyant writing!

You have huge vocabs and your lingua franca is superb that blends the story-flowing so well.

A good read sweetie.Congratz!
Big hugs*

vishesh said...

that was nice :) neatly done :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That was my intention Samby! :)

How's you?

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Ne's comment just after Samby,isn't that cute? :P

Thanks dear!Yes,we never know where life would take us.All we can do is love like there is no tomorrow :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Arv! :)

Yes,it's such a pity we waste precious time fighting with our loved ones.And ego,don't even talk about it! :P

Cheers!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks a lot Javits!

That really made writing this story worthwhile :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Mayz!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Yes Keshi dear,life is so unpredictable.

Awww thanks sweetie!Hugsssss

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Rahul.Given just 250 words,the abruptness was intentional.The first time I took part in this contest,I wrote an open-ended one.But for this story,I preferred this ending.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Lakshmi!

It's never too late to get it back :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Lena sweetu!

Yup I will implement it here on :)

Love you too.Hugsss

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Welcome here Solitary Princess and thanks!

I never intended to give up writing :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Riversoul!You sure will get more :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Nicky dear!

Yes,very true.I still have to work a lot on "showing" and not "telling",and on powerful verbs :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Div dear!Hey feel to use a nickname,many friends call me Sam btw :)

I liked the ending too.Lol,you is indeed dreamy and so am I!Just wanted to keep it abrupt in this case though.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

I know it Cindy Babes! :)

Oooh pink and black book,you tempt me so ;)

Muaaah

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Priya!

Yes,it's the spirit of participation that matters.And I had a great time reading all the 64 entries :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thank you so much Noushy darling! :)

Muaaaaaaaaah

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Vishesh :)

Mishra said...

Finally I come across a story with a happy ending ( not that I see sad stories on your blogspace but that there are sad stories all around on blogosphere).People like happy endings.So does Indian audience and I am a part of that community,I guess.

The other thing that I admired about the post was the fact that it was short and precise- when this all could have been said in 20 pages(I really have ,almost, never read any novel till date).Talks of the comprehension abilities of the writer,who happens be a master of it all.

Just wish,someday, I get to read a novel of sorts from your side ! Seriously

Aayushi..^ said...

Phew!

If you don't mind but..i guessed that he wouldn't have died :)

But anyway..no issues!
I like it!

You're a great poet..and a writer as well!

Keep it up,Sam!

<3

Hemanth Potluri said...

really u got me up the bed to read it...i hate the hero to die in the stries u know ..:P..heheh kiddin buddy..this was really a suspence thriller...i love to make it into a video wat u say...the hero wud be me..but wat abt the heroine...:O..

urs.hemu..

lukkydivz said...

this has a happy ending...and it sure deserves a prize ;) me de deti hu ;)

Gagan said...

Well....first of all....you dont need to learn about how to write....Sameera....you are born with the art!

Now, whatever you have written is extremely well portrayed....I could envision while reading, and that is all it has to do! It is amazing....and if you didnt get the prize from them....you surely will get one from me....and here's an applause for it right here:
CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!

Anindita said...

Loved the story! :)
Tough luck on the contest though!

*hugs*

Cheers. ^^

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I like that!
You could have taken this in so many directions, but the way you went with it is very good.

I like that you write with twists... instead of predictability!


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Priya said...

Sameera,

Joining an entry is a winning spirit to your writing.

Your post shows how things happen or change a persons life in those few minutes no matter who it is. Life is precious and its better not to hurt or feel anger when people go out or drive coz unconsciously it stays in the mind all day.

Maria Sondule said...

41 comments!! (wow....) Ok, well, I really liked that piece of writing! I'm surprised it didn't get a prize. That means the winners must have been really outstanding.

Farah Deen said...

Oh, I don't want him to be dead, it's Ok if the deceased sounded similar to him, but please I don't want him to be dead. Arguments happen, but just because of that loosing a soul? nooooo!!!

beautiful story Sameera!

preetha said...

I thought it would be like that :)
He couldnt have died.

Nithin Jayan said...

Hmmm...no more flattering hi hi...! But can't help typing this 'loved it'...by de way im back after all de exam fuss! Check out ma update...waitin 4 yer review...

Solitaire said...

I was hoping that he had not been killed. I am sure if I would have written the story, I would have killed him!!;)

Mellifluous Dark said...

Like it, Sameera. Very dramatic in 250 words. Not easy.

Have a great weekend... :)

Hiren said...

Nice and crisp narrative ...

and having the ability to create an impromptu (and intriguing) story from just a picture ... this in itself is a prize :)

ur haven looks interesting !!!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Mishra!

Glad you liked the ending.I love happy endings too and most of my stories have them.I had to keep it precise given the word limit.

Hopefully that day comes soon buddy :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That's ok Aayushi.Why would I mind?I too guess the endings of many stories,goes to show how avid a reader you are :)

Thanks Babes!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Hemanth!Glad you liked it :)

Lol you are welcome to go ahead,provided I get the proper credits!Hmmm heroine?How about Hema Malini(Hemu-Hema)? :P

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Awww thanks Div Baby!Ummma :)

Myviews said...

while reading I thought he wad dead.I like the way you have ended it. bcz i cant tolerate if hero die in the stories.Nice post.dont thing you didnt won the prize.. you won so many people's mind..

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Gagan!That's generous of you :)

Well,there is a long way to go on this road of writing.It's nice to know where we go wrong so that we can improvise.

Nature Nut /JJ Loch said...

Sameera,

Lovely writing, super tension! It brings home the power of expressed words. :D

Hugs, JJ

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Anindita :)

Hugs!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks so much Scarlett! :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Priya!

Yes,life is too precious to waste time mulling over such issues.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Welcome here Maria and thanks!

Yes,they were :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Farah dear!

He did not die,read the last line carefully :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That's nice Preetha :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Welcome back Nithin and thanks!

Checked it and enjoyed it :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Sneha,I bet you would have! ;)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks MD!

You too dear :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Welcome here Hiren and thanks! :)

Interesting eh?Hope to see you back then!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks a lot Jaishree dear!I don't like sad endings either,though I do make them at times.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thank you so much Nancy :)

Hugs!

CutePooja said...

rly nice...lovd it...
u r a winner...u need no contst 2 prov dat...

Ropi said...

It seems it is a popular contest, I am almost un-cool I skipped it. :P

Aneesh said...

I just read the winning post through the link you gave. Excellent post. Well, at least you tried. Winning only comes last.
Keep trying :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Pooja dear!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

You can take part the next time Stephen,he conducts them every three months or so :)

Vibrance-Reincarnated said...

Beautiful post Sameera !

You really have a knack for lovely short-stories...and this ones absolutely outstanding !! Forget about the contest, I'm sure you never wrote it to win...you poured your heart n thats come out with beauty !!!

How are you both ?

Forestman said...

Scary, I just got back from a riding my bike down the highway!
I'm alway amazed at the number of comments you get on your writing, that alone should tell you how everyone likes it. I have no doubt you will end up published.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Yes Aneesh,Sarah is a great writer and I was rooting for her entry to win.

I participated cause I enjoy writing and not for the sake of winning.And going by what the other contestants said there and what my readers say here,my writing is worth it.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

What a lovely surprise to see you here Jeej! :)

Thank you so much.Yeah I never write but for the sake of writing itself.

We both are doing great!

Take care.God Bless!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Jeff,that is some coincidence eh :)

Thanks for the encouragement.Cheers!

[-V-] said...

i was so deeply into it..i want more..please write more of these short stories.
you can't deprive us of having the pleasure of reading the amazing writings of yours :D hehe
please post soon...another short story for us "the readers"!

take care

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks a lot buddy!You really put me up on cloud nine now :P

I will keep posting them,no worries.Till then,have a look at the older ones from the menu when you have the time :)

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Sameera,
Sometimes I think people make it hard for aspiring writers to write freely with so many rules and handicaps. A story must unfold into its true setting and course. Regimenting it could sometimes dilute or kill the entire thoughts of the story. Be that as it may, some people go by the rules. I remember that not so long ago, somebody criticize my poem for having no rhyme. I told her it's free verse but after her criticism, I never ventured to make another piece of poetry again. Well, so much for being onion skinned. Thanks for the wonderful short story. God bless you always my dear friend.

Mishra said...

I am sure that day will come.All the best for that

flyingstars said...

Now this is a simply wonderful piece Sameera. I think already a lot has been said about the story, the only thing I can repeat is you could have kept an open ending to keep everyone guessing...other than that it is a simply wonderful writing which struck a cord with everyone whether you won the prize or not...sometimes I feel the appreciation is much bigger than the prize itself...continue your good work & have a wonderful Sunday!

Mystique Wanderer said...

hmmm....i also never won a creative writing thingy when the opening lines were already provided...but its good fun to participate...


btw u've been blogslapped (rolled) :)

HOBO said...

Its always next time for contest.
Best Wishes for next contests.
GoodLuck !

Jeeves said...

I liked it, liked it a lot. Almost thought it would be a sad ending. gr8 work

Hemanth Potluri said...

Hema is too old dude...but she wont be good for my height i think deepika wud be perfect for m ..heheh...

urs..hemu

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Hello Mel.Glad you liked the story.

Though it was for a contest,there were no handicaps.We were allowed to do our own thing,even present in the form of poetry.The pic was supposed to be an inspiration and everyone saw it in a different way and weaved their version around it.Only rule was the word count,which I think was fair enough.

Do not go by those who say things for the sake of just saying Mel.Just do what you love doing,the way you want to do it.And you told me not to be oversensitive :)

Take care my friend.God Bless You and your loved ones always.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Mishra! :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thank you so much Kalyan!For some reason,I did not want to keep an open one this time.Yes,I am glad people enjoyed the story and that is what matters :)

Cheers buddy!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Yes Mystique,it was great fun indeed!I really enjoyed reading the other 63 entries and was awed by so many of them.

Thanks! :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks Hobo!Contests or not,to keep writing is what matters :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Jeeves,thanks dear!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Lol ok Hemanth!You sure have high standards :P

my inner world said...

like the girl in the story i too was shocked and happy both at the same time when i read the last line,it is an awesome thriller:)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks dear! :)

Divita said...

one of those stories that give you goosebumps...takes the air out of your lungs until you breathe again on hearing the ending. how the girl must be dreading, "if only i hadn't done so..." before those hands gripped her in a self-assuring warm hug.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Wow!That was a great summary :)

Kabir said...

Its like one of those Night Shyamalan's movies where the climax is always contradictory n upredictable..Probably he might take u for writing his next movie baby..Hehe.. Love u. Umma

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Oooh!That's such a compliment :)

Thanks Jaan.Love you loads.Ummmmmma

Arun PK said...

haha... am i dumb!!! .. i was thinking of ghosts n stuff when i started readin :) hey nice piece of writing... considerinf the fact htat u couldnt exced 250 words.. did ya get to read the one that actually won the prize?

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thank you :)

I read all the 64 entries(you can check them out through the link I provided),and the winner was one of my favs from the start!

Divya said...

wow! writing a story in not more than 250 words... plus one that makes complete sense :P and is an enjoyable read.. that's tough! good job!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Welcome here and thanks a lot!Glad you enjoyed reading it :)

Vandita said...

simple but it still teaches u to never take anyone or anything for granted...
nicely put esp if u only had the pic for inspiration :)
good stuff!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Yes dear,we never should.Never know what the next moment holds.

Thanks! :)

ceedy said...

Better luck next time!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks!

zahid said...

knowing you it wouldnt have been surprising if he were dead !!! But thank god !! Usko bachaliya !! sami di !!! A story that was gonna end in two lines..Anyone would have thought it tending to a tragedy but it turned with just one line...

But knowing your habit of springing surprises i expected him to live actually !!!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Grrr!You know me too much!First I wanted to kill him and then thought I would spare him :P

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